Little known in America, the popular set of English drinking rules guarantee to make any gathering just a little harder to stay sober. Here we go, International Drinking Rules everybody:
- No saying the word “drink”
- No saying any other player’s first name, or whatever they are usually known by.
- No swearing
- No pointing with an extended finger.
- Pinkies out when drinking. Like a goddamn lady.
- Players must drink with their secondary hand (left if they’re right-handed or right hand if they are lefties).
- All players’ drinks must be at least a thumb’s length from the edge of the table.
- A glass cannot be put down empty, it must be refilled first.
- Tell’er! Should anyone say something sexual or vulgar about a person not in the drinking party, a yell of ‘tell’er’ forces that person to voice their comment to the lady (or chap) in question.
- Bathroom rules:
- You must announce to the whole group ahead of time what action you’re about to perform in the toilets.
- Pissing like a primary schooler. Trousers around your ankles.
- Copy/Paste. If the drunk guy does something stupid shouting ‘COPY’ allows you to have a future offender re-enact the behavior by claiming ‘paste!’
- Flatulence. A two finger pour of whatever you’re drinking.
- Hoover! If a drink is spilt, the offender must suck it up as quickly as possible using their mouth.
- No Complaining. You’re meant to be having fun!
- Save the Queen! Any unguarded beverage is liable to having a penny thrown into it, after which the victim has to save the embossed portrait of the Queen from drowning by downing their pint.
Punishments can be severe, but often just result in a two finger pour of whatever the offender is drinking, or ’seeing-off’/downing their drink. Making rules and punishments up is fair game though, so feel free to get creative.
International drinking rules are guaranteed to turn any drinking situation into a great night, have fun and stay safe.