- Plot synopsis: A poor village under attack by bandits recruits seven unemployed samurai to help them defend themselves.
- Star cast: Toshirô Mifune, Takashi Shimura, Keiko Tsushima
- IMDB rating: 8.8
- RottenTomatoes rating: 100%
- Trailer: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tcdStt0BLOs
Take a drink whenever:
- The peasants run around like frightened, retarded animals.
- A samurai who isn’t part of the main cast wanders on screen.
- You hear drums in the background.
- Someone tries to run really fast. (You’ll know it when you see it — trust me.)
- The peasants act like total idiots and run to Grandpa for help, despite the fact that they’re all grown-ups and are probably capable of thinking for themselves.
- Someone mentions ‘millet’. (Drain the entire can if you actually see someone eating it!)
- A bandit dies by sword- or spear-point, even though it’s obvious the attack would have barely nicked him in real life. (This does not go for bandits on horses.)
- A bandit falls off his horse.
- Someone dies. (You’ll get really drunk really quickly near the end of the movie.)
- A peasant breaks into bitter tears. (Drink twice if they do it for no discernable reason.)
Take a drink when Kambei:
- Gets shorn bald.
- Has to remind himself he’s bald by rubbing his head.
- Stares into the distance with a stoned look on his face.
- Mentions some war he’s lost.
- Tells Katsushiro he can’t go out a-fightin’.
- Calls Katsushiro a ‘child’ or ‘boy’.
- Looks at Kikuchiyo like he’s utter dirt.
Take a drink when Katsushiro:
- Throws himself on the ground in a suicidal gesture of respect. (“Please sir! I fever to ask!”)
- Yells at somebody for being dishonorable or for some similar reason.
- Looks at Shino in that special way.
- Runs off to collect flowers, or has a flower in his hand. (Take two drinks if there’s light, sissy music in the background.)
- Actually kills someone. (It only happens once or twice.)
- Does the deed with Shino.
Drain the entire container when Katsushiro:
- Accidentally touches Shino’s ‘special area’
Take a drink when Kyuzo:
- Decides to speak.
- Kills someone. (Make sure you have a lot of alcohol for this…)
- Does his impression of Lance Henrikson. (‘Bishop’ from the Aliens movies. You’ll know what I mean when you see it.)
- Humiliates the peasants while training them.
Drink twice when (if) Kyuzo:
Take a drink when Gorobei:
- Doesn’t smile.
- Doesn’t fall for Kambei’s alertness test.
- Makes Heihachi mess up his wood-cutting.
- Compliments Kambei.
Take a drink when Shichiroji:
- Rubs the sweat from his body with that nappy handkerchief.
- Loses his temper with Kikuchiyo.
- Discovers the ‘short haired boy’ is really a girl. (When they’re threshing their rice, or whatever.)
- Kills someone.
Take a drink when Heihachi:
- Laughs at Kikuchiyo.
- Makes others laugh at Kikuchiyo.
- Throws a rock at Kikuchiyo.
- Believes Kikuchiyo’s gone, only to have him jump from the trees a few seconds later.
- Officially ‘names’ Kikuchiyo.
- Just disses Kikuchiyo in general.
- Kills someone.
- Pisses off Rikichi by accident, or tries to get Rikichi to talk about his wife.
- Chases after Rikichi.
Take a drink when Kikuchiyo:
- Does a little dance when he’s happy.
- Claims to be a samurai.
- Scratches himself.
- Looks at Katsushiro with an “I’d kill you, but you’re not worth it” expression on his face.
- Kicks dirt at Kambei.
- Moons the bandits.
- Fouls up someone’s plans by being a jerk.
- Makes the peasants look like idiots by sounding the alarm.
- Sticks out his tongue.
- Makes the children laugh.
- Makes fun of Yohei.
- Kills someone with that big damned sword of his.
Drink twice when Kikuchiyo:
- Turns up roarin’ drunk.
- Falls off Yohei’s horse.
Drain the entire container when Kikuchiyo:
- Starts chuggin’ the sake (near the end of the movie).
Take a drink when Rikichi:
- Decides that killing is the only way to solve things.
- Looks around with that “I’m a crack addict” expression on his face.
- Yells like a junkie.
- Shows way too much emotion for his role.
- Bursts into tears whenever his wife is mentioned.
- Kills somebody. (Drink twice if you hear him screaming at the time.)
- Finally finds his wife.
- Plays the drums (or whatever) at the end of the movie.
Take a drink when Yohei:
- Looks really pathetic.
Drink twice when Yohei:
- Kills someone.
Take a drink when Manzo:
- Expresses his fear of samurai’s lustful intentions towards his daughter.
Drink three times when Manzo:
- Chops off Shino’s hair.
Drain the container when Manzo:
- Starts acting like a decent human being. (Don’t worry — it won’t happen.)
Take a drink when Shino:
- Gets her hair cut.
- Convinces someone she’s a boy.
- Gets fondled by Katsushiro.
- Wants Katsushiro to fondle her — and other things — and makes it damned clear.
- Acts like a psychotic maniac.
Remember, after watching movies and drinking hard… Sobur hangover cure with Dihydromyricetin is exactly what you need to dominate the day after!